Broken relationships and marriages are fast becoming common in today’s times. You might have your share of ups and downs in your marriage and have been left with a separation and children, but does that mean that you will severe all relationship with your ex husband or wife?
No matter how much conflict you have had during your marital life every parent whether father or mother must know that they share the joint responsibility of bringing up their child well. You must remember a divorce or a separation can affect the vulnerable mind of children, thus as parents it is your responsibility to ensure that your children’s well being is taken care of by both of you.
Communicate with Your Ex about the Sharing of Responsibility
Having a failed marriage is not a good enough reason to be fighting over your children. No matter what your relationship is with your former spouse try and keep your kids out of your personal equation. It is advised that you share a relationship of respect and understanding when it comes to the upbringing of your children.
After your separation has been finalized you must get in touch with your former spouse and work out a system where you will be sharing equal responsibility for your children. No matter if you have the custody of your children, your ex husband or wife has the authority to have access to the kids and participate jointly in taking their responsibility. So divide your responsibilities keeping your work hours in mind and also that of your ex.
Take Time out to Take Your Kids out Together
A divorce or a separation can be difficult for any child; you cannot change that, but try and normalize things out for them as soon as possible. If you bond with your ex spouse it will automatically have a positive effect on the mind of your kids. So chalk it out with your former spouse. Take out family time. Maybe once a month or once in a fortnight you can take your kids out for lunch or dinner or may be just for a pizza or a film. Kids look forward to seeing their parents together and spending quality time together will be a great boost for your children.
They enjoy it when they see their broken family coming together and having fun. So keeping the well being of your children in mind, you must take this step. And remember do not get into ugly fights no matter what your issues are. Your kids must develop a healthy respect for both their parents. You must never try and influence them negatively against your former spouse. If they are adept in being responsible for their children you should not have reason to complain.
Any School Visits Must be Done Together
School is an important part of your child’s well being. Any communication with the school or with teachers is the responsibility of both the students. Often an ugly divorce can leave children scarred and they can fare badly at school. When the school tries to get in touch with you, do not brush aside your responsibility in the thought that you have to confront your ex husband or wife again. Do it for the benefit of your child.
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Not only these matters, little things like Christmas functions, parents day program or any extracurricular activities must be attended by both the parents; it will give your child confidence and joy. Kids love to make their parents proud and it your duty as a parent to be there for them and share their happiness and encourage them. Try and keep your personal differences at bay when it comes to dealing with your children.
Never leave your ex spouse out of any important decision making as far as the children are concerned.
If you are the parent who has the custody of your kids, then automatically, you will have greater exposure and control over your children’s lives. However as a sign of respect for your ex you must never make any decision pertaining to your children without consulting their other parent.
If there is some activity that your child wants to participate in, then discuss it with your spouse and see what he/ she has to say about it. Let these issues be openly discussed as a family. If you get any complaints about your child from school, inform your former spouse immediately about it. If you decide to talk to your child about it, do the talking together. Take your former spouses opinion as to how you should handle the situation.
When your children grow up and they want to move out and create their own lives, it is yet another important time when you must include their other parent before taking any final decision.
These steps that apparently seem very little can make a huge difference in the way you, and your families lives shape out, try and make things easier for yourself and the children. It is a healthy example for your children as well when they see that inspite of their parents not sharing a life together anymore, they still have time to work things out for them and help them take their decisions. It will also help better the relationship between your spouse and you as he or she will definitely value the importance and respect that you give unto the latter with respect to the upbringing of your kids.
Let The Kids Spend Enough Time With Their Other Parent
Once you have established a basic relationship with your spouse with regards to your kids, then you must trust him/her to spending quality time with them as well. The kids need to know both their parents’ well. It is unfair on them if they suddenly have to stop all contacts with their other parent because of a separation. So make the necessary arrangements. Let your ex pick the children from school once or twice a week or accompany them to their extracurricular activities. They can bond with their parent over the weekend by visiting your former spouse’s home.
If you have built a healthy post separation relationship with your ex and you know that he/ she is equally dedicated to the children then let him/her participate in your child’s life. With a bit of communication, understanding and also compromise you can go a long way to establishing healthy parental responsibilities with your former spouse.