Falling in love and being in a relationship, sharing your joys and sorrow with a loved one is an amazing experience, it adds meaning to life. But It could turn to a potentially soul destroying situation, when you get into a wonderful relationship with a partner of your dreams, you two start getting along really well but just when you try to take the relationship to the next level, the partner tries to pave an escape route.
It may also happen that you have enjoyed a fulfilling relationship for several years but the moment you talk of marriage, your partner freaks out. Before you know, all the warmth in the relationship is gone and you are only left with squabbles and bitterness. But before you start blaming anyone for this debacle and cursing your partner for not loving you enough, consider the chances that your partner maybe suffering from commitment phobia.
It’s a condition when people avoid long term commitment in relationships and even jobs as they think they might get trapped in it. Contrary to popular opinions, men are not the only victims of commitment phobia. Nowadays growing number of women are also falling prey to it. Understandably, partners of such people go through harrowing times. Here are some guidelines to help you fight back in case your partner is commitment phobic.
Dealing with Commitment Phobia in your Partner
Try to Understand the Feelings that Crop up in your Partner Regarding Commitment
Commitment phobic people often presume that the relationship is not going to work anyway, and rather than suffer the pains of a failed relationship, they instinctively prevent themselves from getting more involved in it and thus, blows up a perfectly good relationship. It may also be that they are just afraid to make decisions since they consider decisions to be irreversible and don’t want to commit mistakes.
Once you understand these emotions of your partner, you can try and impress upon them subtly that decisions can definitely be altered if they don’t work out and a fulfilling relationship now is well worth the risk of failure in some distant future. But then again, some people don’t commit because they just don’t see themselves fitting into the conventional family as is prevalent in society. In such cases, if your viewpoint doesn’t tally with your partner, it’s better to part amicably.
Handle Conflict Situations Sensibly
It’s natural that you lose your cool when in spite of everything going great for your relationship; your partner just doesn’t agree to take the next step. But remember, shouting and fighting never help and what’s more, it increases your partner’s aversion to the commitment factor. Hard as it may sound when faced with the apparent unreasonableness of your partner, try creating an atmosphere of companionship, love, respect and peace no matter what. This will prevent your partner from feeling caught in a rut and can actually go a long way in saving your relationship.
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Don’t Go on a Guilt Trip
It’s quite common that the partners of commitment phobic people hold themselves responsible for the way the relationship goes. That they are trying their best yet the relationship only seems to go from bad to worse instills in them a belief that something must be wrong with them. If this is what’s going on with you as well, understand that it’s not your fault. Commitment phobic people don’t run because of failings in their partner, it’s because the concept of staying true to someone no matter what unsettles them.
Take your Partner for Counseling
If even after you try all these your partner doesn’t respond, consider going for professional counseling. Commitment phobia not only hampers the victims’ chances of a stable relationship, it even stops them from committing to jobs, thus affecting their life as whole. Counseling can help them to get back on the track.