Who can forget that first date? Or that first relationship? Dating and relationships definitely represent a very exciting and important part of our lives. However, it is important to keep some points in mind to make sure dating someone and entering a relationship is fulfilling and not frustrating as time passes.
Tips For Dating And Relationship
Know Yourself First
Many people start dating for the ‘thrill of it’ without knowing what they really want. Such dates and relationships usually face a lot of trouble in the long run.
Before you go on a date, make sure you know yourself better than ever. What values are very important to you? What are your core beliefs? What are your dreams and desires? Be honest with yourself and think about these things. If possible, even write down the answers to these questions.
The reason knowing yourself better first is important is that without knowing who you are, you won’t be able to know if the person you’re dating will be a good fit for you or not. On the other hand, if you have a clear idea about where you’re heading in life and what you truly stand for, your connection with a person with similar beliefs can be electric!
Remember that romance and attraction are not the only ingredients of a good date – knowing who you are deep down and figuring out whether the other person is a good match is also important.
Remember That Compatibility Is More Important Than Infatuation
If you are about to embark on your first date or are new to relationships, it is easy to get infatuated with the other person. You may not have anything in common with another person of the opposite sex and you may still fall in love with him/her! This is the time when love just ‘happens’ and you shower the other person with attention while wanting the other person to do the same.
While falling in love is a very intense and wonderful experience, remember that in the long run, compatibility in beliefs and values is just as important (if not more important) than romance. After the initial euphoria has died down, each relationship goes through a reality check when both partners get to know each other better. If you neglect compatibility early on, you may be in for a shock as the relationship matures.
Let the rush of love take you, but do make sure that you share common beliefs, values and dreams with the other person. Let the other person be someone you can have as a friend anyway.
Shed Your Childhood Baggage
Many of us have sub-conscious insecurities and fears that we picked up as a child, and that we carry into our relationships. This is even more common in the first relationship. For instance, because you did not have caring parents, you may expect your boyfriend/girlfriend to be exceptionally caring and to play the role of one of your parents for you.
This may unnecessarily put pressure on the other person and spoil the relationship. Similarly, you may have the sub-conscious need to feel important by excessively pampering the other person. This can make you expect unreasonable things from him/her.
The point is: ask yourself if you have any deeply embedded sub-conscious patterns that create drama in your relationship. Discuss these patterns with your partner. Whatever needs you have in the relationship, let them be conscious – not replicas of what you did not receive in a childhood. Let friendship (with less expectations and more sharing) be the basis of your relationship instead of the relationship being a sort of “void filling tool” for you.
Realize That The Other Person is Human Too
When you first go out for a date or enter your first relationship, it is natural to expect a bit too much out of the other person. You expect the other person to be perfect and any flaw in his/her personality seems unacceptable. Similarly, you try to portray yourself as perfect too.
Both of these behaviors are not essential. Be human and expect the other person to be human too. Remember that the best connections are formed between two human beings – not two perfect entities. While it is important that both of you be compatible, it is quite OK for both of you to have many flaws.
Accept flaws in the other person that don’t really matter to you, right from the start of the relationship. This will also help the other person accept you more and a more genuine relationship will be created.
This point is similar to the previous one but requires special emphasis.Remember that the basis of a happy relationship is honest sharing. When you start dating another person, you may want to hide parts of you that you are ashamed of. You may be afraid that the other person will leave if you if you tell them the truth.
However, note something important here: if you do not tell the other person even shameful truths about yourself, you are creating an artificial relationship that has no foundation. If you tell the other person honestly about something shameful that happened in your past and he or she leaves you, that is actually a good thing.
That person would never have accepted you anyway and so it is good that he or she has left. If, on the other hand, the other person accepts what happened to you and still loves you, then your connection becomes deeper than ever. This will strengthen the relationship.
If you do not share your deepest truths with the other person, how will you know if this person is right for you? Be honest, right from the start. Let the other person get to know the real you. Whether the other person accepts and supports you or rejects and leaves you is upto them. Even if you are rejected, you will definitely find someone more understanding who will be ready to accept you as you are.
While all of these relationship tips are important, the truth is that real life is still the best teacher. Relationships can indeed be the harbingers of tremendous joy as well as learning experiences. Have an exciting date!